It is with tremendous grief that Jessica Michalofsky and Rae Pryor, Aubrey’s mom and dad, say goodbye to our son, Aubrey Emmett Pryor Michalofsky. Aubrey was born in Nelson, British Columbia on September 5th, 1996, and died just outside Nelson, August 30th, 2022.
Aubrey was a stellar son, surpassing any parent’s hopes. He was loyal and loving; funny and talented; intelligent and curious about the world around him and beyond. Aubrey and his dad and I had an unusually close and intimate relationship because of the nature of our lives. Aubrey and I were born five days apart and shared many sensibilities, including a love of people but a need to be solitary and quiet. Rae and I coparented, and when Aubrey was a toddler, I lived upstairs, and Rae lived downstairs in a wonderful house on Kootenay Street in Nelson. There were big windows looking out onto mountains and a swing in the back that took Aubrey sailing into the cool green of Chestnut trees. Rae and I continued to coparent Aubrey through thick and thin, including Rae suffering a cerebral hemorrhage and my eventual moving to Victoria. It is fair to say that we all needed each other, and at times leaned heavily on the others. We were a funny triangle—not without pointy edges and conflicts—but essentially stable and durable. I can say for certain none of us ever doubted the love of the others.
Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.” This describes Aubrey perfectly. In fact, I would say that he was a deeper, more complex and compassionate person because of his challenges. His vision for social justice and his compassion for all people were the direct result of the life he lived and the roads he travelled. The way that he persevered—and succeeded—despite the many obstacles in his life is inspiring. He was fiercely protective of his dad, and he was intolerant of all forms of racism, inequality, and ignorance.
I will say honestly that the circumstances of his death are heartbreaking. I travelled to the place where he spent his last hours alive, and it was both wretched and humbling in equal parts. I have no doubt that Aubrey’s addiction took him to this place, and yet through talking to the people there, themselves huddled and debilitated by addiction and grief, I heard the story that, even in the last hours of his life, Aubrey had been encouraging them to be happy, to beat their addictions, and to embrace a healthy life. Aubrey could see the potential in any human being. And in that squalor, I too saw my own humanity. It is possible—no, desirable—to hold these kinds of contradictions close. In each of us is great weakness, self-delusion, and misery—and yet, it’s only by embracing dissonance lovingly that we can grow and evolve.
Aubrey died directly because of a failed drug war in Canada, the worsening social conditions brought on by inequality, and the abysmal state of rural health care in British Columbia. There will be different versions of the story—clean, sober, using, high—and we will never likely know the truth because most of the people involved, including Aubrey himself, were forced to hide behind the stigma and criminalization of their addiction. One thing is for certain that an entire generation of young people is dying because of our societal indifference and punitive policies. Death by toxic drug supply is the leading cause of death in British Columbia for people aged 18-39. I urge you to contact your MLAs and other government representatives to demand an end to the failed war on drugs through evidence-based prevention, treatment, and policy change.
Aubrey’s time at Selkirk College was, I can say without a doubt, the pinnacle of his brief adult life. He entered the liberal arts program in 2017 and worked his way to graduating with a diploma in Law and Justice in 2021. Jamie Bliss and Janet Mayr stand out as instructors who encouraged Aubrey. When I would ask Aubrey what he was learning in school, he would report cheekily, “stuff.” He was private about the details of his intellectual growth, but his notebooks, which I found piled carefully in his belongings, show a diligent and engaged mind. Conversely, Aubrey spoke liberally and with affection about instructors who motivated and encouraged him. I heard how Jamie was “a hard instructor,” and it was clear that Aubrey was proud of himself for rising to Jamie’s high expectation of him. It was Jamie who nominated Aubrey for an award of Excellence in 2020. Janet was the instructor who often gave Aubrey rides to school, sharing smokes with him. He took five of her classes (!) and I have no doubt that it was her affection for him—her genuine caring and kindness—that energized and heartened Aubrey because, in essence, Aubrey’s focus in life was people.
When Covid happened, and the schools closed to in-person classes, Aubrey struggled to maintain his connection to his studies, and isolation and lack of camaraderie contributed to the worsening of his addiction.
Schools provide wonderful opportunities for young people, not only to expand their minds, but also to see themselves in relation to others. What he saw reflected from the staff, students, and faculty of Selkirk was a future of great potential, dignity, and justice. He continued to work toward those values out of school, in his local community, and I have had alongside great outpourings of grief, countless reports of appreciation from people about how Aubrey had endeavoured to help them. In this spirit, we have set up a memorial fund at Selkirk College in Aubrey’s name.
Aubrey will be missed by family and friends all over Canada and the world. His brothers in the Kootenays—Ariel, Avery, and Evan; his cousins in Ontario—Lauren, Austin, Felix, Brittany, Blake, and Bailey. He will be lovingly missed by his grandfather, Terry Michalofsky, and by his uncles, Brandon and Sonny Michalofsky and Aunt Beth, and by his extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins all over Canada. Aubrey would want to give a hug to his nephew Onyx, and especially to his soul brothers Orpheo and Jake. Several cats and dogs will miss him dearly, including Kitten, Bolt, and the two orange cats. In Victoria, he will be missed by extended family and friends, including the Mellings—Laura, Quinn, and their children; Andrew, Martina, and Raff; and by close friends, Jess and Ian; Patrick and Colm and their parents; by numerous school pals; and especially and dearly by Pauline and her loving extended family. In the Kootenays, I often heard about his love and affection for Emma, Kirsten, Angelica, Everett, and the whole bunch of kind folks around Winlaw. Mostly, he will be cherished in the hearts of his parents, Rae Pryor and Jessica Michalofsky, and her constant partner Jim Melling. We send our son from this earthly life with the sense that his work of compassion here is complete. We wish him well on his travels, and although we will miss him dearly, we want for him above all to release his sorrow, regret, and grief. Farewell, dear son. Have a spectacular voyage. Love mom and dad.
Two celebrations of life will be held in Aubrey’s memory:
• In Victoria, on Sunday, September 11th between 1 and 4pm at the Gorge Park Pavilion in the Esquimalt Gorge Park, 1070 Tillicum Road.
• In Winlaw, on Sunday, September 18th, between 1 and 4pm at the Winlaw Hall, close to downtown Winlaw on Highway 6.
As an expression of sympathy, memorial contributions may be made in Aubrey’s memory to Selkirk College Foundation for the Aubrey Michalofsky Scholarship Fund. Donations can be made online at selkirk.ca/donate-today or by cheque. Please send cheques to Selkirk College Foundation, 301 Frank Beinder Way, Castlegar, BC, V1N 4L3. Please note the fund name with your gift (online or by cheque).
The fund will support a scholarship for students in Selkirk College’s Peace, Law & Justice programs.
Read Less
To plant a memorial tree in honor of Aubrey Michalofsky, please visit our Heartfelt Sympathies Store.
Our most sincere sympathies to the family and friends of Aubrey Michalofsky Tuesday August 30th 2022..
Death notice for the town of: Castlegar, Province: Colombie britanique